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Graphic artists, and artistes—
All you skilled creative beasts
Gather round, hearken to me,
Hear my well-intentioned plea!
Read the slogan on my banner:
IF YOU POST ART, USE A SCANNER!

I draw little, but I give
You the odd scanned negative
Ancient image, long kept waitin’
For the holder and the platen.
Heed my firm, insistent manner:
IF YOU POST ART, USE A SCANNER!

Let me lure you to flat-bed.
Not your cell phone, this instead!
Lack of quality long lingers.
WE DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR FINGERS!
Hopes of loveliness soon crash
Dimmed by your phone’s pallid flash.
I kick like a Gypsy Vanner:
IF YOU POST ART, USE A SCANNER!

Sorry, it’s not helped, but maimed!
Ring binding is not ‘well-framed!’
Show the image, make us able
To ignore your sketching table.
Listen to us plead and whine,
SHOW A CLEAR WELL-LIT STRONG LINE!
I will throw a wrench (Brits: Spanner)!
IF YOU POST ART, USE A SCANNER!

I despair, how long I’ve trudged
Seeing pictures smudged and kludged.
Hanging my head in dejection
To see cell-phones TRASH PERFECTION.
Mona Lisa has a wart!
Cell-phone photos just fall short!
A Canon wards old Epson Manor!
IF YOU POST ART, USE A SCANNER!
Yes! Yes! I'm TELLING YOU HOW TO SUCK EGGS BECAUSE SOME THINGS NONETHELESS SUCK!  I... should leave you in no doubt as to what pet peeve prompted this... SCREAM OF AGONY. They are not that expensive. They are very useful.   IF YOU POST ART, USE A SCANNER!
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:icondanason:
Danason Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2017  New Deviant
Nicely executed!

And very good advice too!
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2017
I just think good art deserves a good digitization.  I did work hard on those rhymes,  thank you. :)
Reply
:iconmatakoura:
Matakoura Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2017
HAHAHA YES

Beautifully done.
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2017
Thank you! I meant it humorously, but I hate seeing bad scans of beautiful art.
Reply
:iconcoplins:
Coplins Featured By Owner Edited Feb 4, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Laughing my ass off! Okay, that was a funny read and perhaps the most healthily harvested use of a pet peeve ever. :lol: 
If I had my old scanner, I'd agree too, and tell you I'd never use my phone to get my art into my computer. But since I lost custody of the scanner in my separation and my new scanner is constantly giving me lip, I've resigned myself to using my phone.

"Oh, come on, Scanny. You worked just fine five minutes ago!"
"That was then, now is now. Talk to the lid, sucker."
(Conversation between me and my scanner.)

Thank god for photoshop! It took me a moment, but I've finally figured out how to fix the pictures so colours turn bright and white turns white again. Meow :3 

Anyway, loved this poetry rant. Clap Love 

(I must add, that I personally love pictures of art when the photo captures part of the table with the coloured pencils or paint equipment around too. It inspires me. When it comes to traditional art the best presentation for me is the picture in its perfect presentation and an additional one where it's photographed at the workstation it was created.)
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2017
I CAN relate... I had SCSI scanners for... too long... including a weird German, capable German one that would only work with its own crippled SCSI card, which screwed up other SCSI devices on ANOTHER SCSI card.  Even my superb Canoscan 4200f will get you into a very bad place where it's set up to scan slides, but if you're NOT trying to scan a slide the next time it boots up it thinks something's wrong and shuts down...

But a good scanner is better, and so many folks don't know how to fix things in Photoshop... or even have Photoshop since it became a rental... THERE'S another rant in the making... !

GIMP looks functional.

Very glad to have made you think and laugh. :)
Reply
:iconamberchrome:
amberchrome Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2017  Professional General Artist
But... then there are the people who don't know the meaning of "curves" or always scan 600 dpi and put up the raw scan without adjustment or resizing... *sigh*
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2017
Admittedly, also a problem... But all that trouble to make good art, and then MIFF the chance to make it, as much as the net can... immortal...  I'm glad you like the new poetry.
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome. :lol: The ones that really get me are the pictures that were not only photographed but posted upside-down as well. :XD:
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
The Muse just kind of weeps in the corner... :)  So very glad and honored that you liked it.
Reply
:iconsomadjinn:
somadjinn Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2017  Professional Photographer
Well said :) I don't use film much, but my scanner has been invaluable for vintage scrapbook material. I can actually squeeze a lot more high resolution details from it than my digital camera provided what I am scanning comes with continuous tones very much like film negatives (and unlike modern day printed inkjet dot prints).
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2017
I mean, it's a plea for people not to damage their sharing of wonderful art with the WRONG equipment.  And once you have a good image, you can fix its imperfections and REALLY have something.
Reply
:icondarkriderdlmc:
DarkRiderDLMC Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2017
I know some artists who still make their living
with their art and to them I'm forgiving,
but I seriously hate viewing ginormous copyright
turning graphic delight into mental blight.

Came by to leave you a smile :), saw this.
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2017
You draw it well--and then you block it,
Sad to tell, you can't unlock it.
With some graphic or some word
You blot it out--and that's absurd!
You put it up--you want to share--
But then make sure it's not all there.
You are free--go do it, fine!
You go your way, I'll go mine.

I'm glad you got it. :)
Reply
:iconspearcarrier:
spearcarrier Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2017  Professional Writer
I shouldn't laugh so hard at your plea and cry of anguish but I can't help it.
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2017
I'm still working on your mermaid filks! :)
Reply
:iconspearcarrier:
spearcarrier Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2017  Professional Writer
That sounds fishy to me.
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2017
I'm fond of you.  I have one good one so far, it'll just take a lot of formatting to post it here.
Reply
:iconspearcarrier:
spearcarrier Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2017  Professional Writer
Aw... i like you too. And your stuff is usually such genius. if you ever wanna put out a book I'll be right behind you.
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
Thank you very much for the badge, kind lady.

I'll think about it, too... I actually have a rather charming idea for a children's book that might work well for us both... I'll give you a hint:

DRAGONETS!
Reply
:iconspearcarrier:
spearcarrier Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2017  Professional Writer
Ooooooh!!!! Tell me more....
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2017
PM me a mailing address. :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmattaui:
mattaui Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I always try to at least go back and get better scans later! Then I run into trouble if it's a bigger piece than my scanner, since merging scans can be a real pain. But I've gotten better about it. :)
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2017
Here, have a fish.  At least you always smile while you work.  Very glad you liked my pointed doggerel.
Reply
:iconthelovetrain:
TheLoveTrain Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2017
Pretty funny, you. We're similar where this is concerned. More often than not, when such is submitted to our group, I simply remove it without notice. On a great day, I might write to the artist and ask them to get busy with 'presentation'. Then, too, if it's a super-artist who doesn't typically do such, but for whatever unknown reason did, I'll rarely let it slide and watch what they do next time … and still, there are sometimes other exceptions.

Thanks for sharing, Wendy. See you around.

~Bryan :heart:

:icondoctrinaire:
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2017
It's like The Night Watch in a Wal-Mart frame.  NO NO NO NO NO NO!  So very glad you liked it. :)
Reply
:iconagent505:
Agent505 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2017  Professional Writer
This poem speaks to me... it says something about using a scanner... weird, those poems with subliminal messages...
Oh, wait, I see now. 
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2017
Simple verses are quite pleasant.
Can a glass be under pheasant?
All the world loves a view.
Nothing, though, is ever new.
'New' is something rough and caustic.
Enigmatic and acrostic.
Really lovely, never flawed.
Simple topic--left you awed!
Reply
:iconagent505:
Agent505 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2017  Professional Writer
:B
Reply
:iconuglygosling:
uglygosling Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2017
One thing I learned from experience was anything photographed and then posted would have a grayish tint, while scanned artwork has no such issues.
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2017
"Do you know how to set THE WHITE BALANCE?"* o_o

Very glad you liked the poem. :)

*You'll come a waltzing with me if I don't drown first.
Reply
:iconuglygosling:
uglygosling Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2017
I had used an older digital camera, plus I was not so experienced then, I always scan nowadays. :)
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2017
Get the movie reference?
Reply
:iconuglygosling:
uglygosling Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2017
So far it totally eludes me. I may know a lot of stuff, But I can see here you seem to know something I don't! :)
Reply
:iconsnicker1:
snicker1 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2017
some too soon speed their work
not really wanting to be a dork
always in art and in life
details matter avoid the strife
Reply
:iconmensjedezeemeermin:
MensjeDeZeemeermin Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2017
Get the settings really right.
Set the lamp for 'perfect' bright.
If the work's from your own case
No need to de-interlace.
USB's the best solution.
Scan in the right resolution.
If not good? Then scan again.
Make a very good mark: TWAIN.
Reply
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